—dedicated to someone who has been fighting with themselves.
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For so many years, I hated her. I used to think her existence was a disgrace to this world, like some sort of a curse. I tried to destroy her. I tried to destroy her with all the remaining strength that I have.
Why can’t she just die already!!??
I oppressed her; physically, mentally, and emotionally. I tried so hard to push her to her limit and take away from her the will to live. I abandoned her. I remember watching as other people treat her with such disrespect and hypocrisy. I let them do all of those things to her because in the back of my mind that’s what she deserves. Literally, all the bad stuff.
But I was wrong.
I was so wrong.
I regret neglecting her.
For the past 15 years, I didn’t see her worth. That concludes all the years she has here on earth. I wonder if she can forgive me. I hope writing a book of apologies would work.
But what is an apology without having a decision to change?
There, I decided to get to know her. At first, it was not easy. There were times when I felt like giving up and going back to the same situation we were in. But no. I’m not going to let that happen again.
Each day, I become more and more patient with her. Understanding her is like a sport—it takes a lot of courage, patience and discipline. In short, you cannot love her with ease. But that didn’t stop me. I want to help her with everything I have, just as much as I wanted to destroy her in the past. I discovered a lot of parts of her that once were a mystery. I’m in the process of discovering her strengths as well as her weaknesses—and learning to embrace them both. I’m in the process of unspooling and sifting her head, trying to gasp and pin down her thoughts—to organize and present it to her. She is more than what meets the eye. She is like the ocean—full of depths and unpredictable discoveries. And that is what I love about her.
I am her.
I know all of us have experienced this. To have a God-only-knows-how-long war against ourselves. As I speak, some of us are still fighting, some have overcome them already and sadly, some just chose to give up. Life is full of battles. Humans are warriors. And sometimes we fight silently because our head is loud enough to overpower it.
Speak.
Speak your mind. Speak your thoughts.
Ask for help. Do not let your demons overpower you.
You are extraordinary
You are full of potential
Your life matters
You have the capacity to change the world and make it a better place to live. As long as you’re breathing, It’s not over for you yet. Your life is too precious to just be thrown away.
You matter.
Fight.
Breathe.
—Red📍
photo link: https://pin.it/349ds7n
Writings of Red 