I am sorry if I can’t reciprocate everything that you are willing to put at stake for me.
Red
I’m quite busy building my career to be open for a relationship, I even told you I hate romance. The truth is, I am just scared. I’m afraid of touching your soul, the brokenness it has, the depths of you—because I don’t trust myself in keeping people, I’m afraid I just make you worse. I’m afraid your scars may bleed again. I’m afraid to pierce another wound on you. I know what you’ve been through, and from the little time I’ve spent with you, I know you deserve better. You deserve all the love this world has to offer, and I know I can’t give you that at this time. You deserve peace of mind, love, and to be treated well—just as you treat others around you.
I am announcing my sincere apologies if I am not brave enough to risk my time for you. I am sorry if I can’t tell you directly my true feelings. I am scared to tell you because i know myself—I am not a keeper—I might like you now and then tomorrow I’ll decide to leave you. And you don’t deserve that. I don’t want you to experience the same fate as my previous lovers. I’m a villain yet I know so well you don’t deserve that. Even the cruelest person in the world will fall in love with you, when they discover your smile and saw it at its full brightness, your tanned skin, that pointed nose you got from your mom, your deep brown eyes that melts me every time it looks at me, your long and thick lashes, and your kindness, gentle nature, intelligence, thoughtfulness—everything about you. Literally, everything about you makes me want to keep you. Yet I never want to see you bleed ’cause of my own carelessness… Therefore, I’ll stay at a good distance—where I can love you with no fear of drowning you with my poisonous lake of affection.
There are things that I need and we need to accomplish first, which you know so well because I told you so. I am sorry if I can’t reciprocate everything that you are willing to put at stake for me. This might be a little selfish to say, and it might seem like I’m asking for the moon, but I hope when I’m ready to touch you, when I’m ready to love you, i hope you’re still waiting. I know I might be too late when that time comes and your feelings for me might already be in the grave. But still…
—Red
Writings of Red 