Luna

—dedicated to Luna

It was the first day of COS Week when I got a first glimpse of your scars. From that day on, I became interested in you. I want to learn about every inch of you. I have invested my time and effort into your being. I go wherever you invite me to, regardless of how busy I am, just to learn more about you.
I listen to your stories about your favorite BL actors and favorite scenes in the Thai series you are watching. I know I’m no longer interested in those things, but I still listen because I enjoy watching your face light up every time you talk about them—I wish I could make the same impact on your life the way they do.
I always ask about how your day went every time you go to fan meetings. Even though I don’t care about who they are, I still ask, because I know you do. I enjoy seeing you get excited telling your experiences. I want to assure you that if nobody asks about your life, I’m here to make you feel that there’s somebody who cares. That I care.

It hurts me to see you miserable right now, knowing that half of it is because of me. I didn’t mean to hurt you; I was full of emotions and was triggered by past scenarios. As I know you are also an overthinker, it crushes me to think about what’s going on in your mind right now. My care and love for you are genuine. Telling you how my emotions blinded me and made me selfish won’t be valid but perhaps a stupid excuse. I should have controlled them and prevented your hurt.

Oh, Luna. I miss you. I miss us.

-Red